Tuesday, March 13, 2012

An Apology to my Wife

You know, sometimes in life, we get so caught up in ourselves, we forget about those around us. Its so easy to think that your loved ones will speak up, or tell you their feelings unprompted, but that's rarely the case. They want us to be happy, and not to stand in the way of our happiness. Those people are very wonderful, and they deserve much gratitude. 

When I came out to my work that I was going to be wearing women's clothes, my wife was wonderful, accepting and very supportive. She definitely believed I should have that right, and was glad that I was making steps to be happy at work. 

Unfortunately, I was selfish in this whole situation. I did talk to her about it, but I never truly gave her the chance to voice her opinions and concerns. One of the biggest reasons she didn't have that opportunity, was that I did my transitioning at a very inconvenient time for us as a family. Her parents were staying with us at the time, waiting for everything to get squared away with their new home purchase. The house was cramped, there was always lots more work to be done, the children were being extra bratty cause they get away with more when grandma is around, and her parents were at a high stress level over the house purchase. Definitely a bad time to add gender expression transitions into the mix.

But yeah, this is basically to say that I was quite inconsiderate with when and how I did my transition. My wife deserves an apology for that, because her feelings are more important to me than I showed with my actions. Here is an apology I wrote up for her, but I'd like to share it with anyone who cares to read. 


You have always been there for me. Through the good times, and the bad, you have always been at my side. We’ve shared a lot together, and I know we will share a whole lot more. You support me in any way you can, and you let me be the person I am. I am very grateful to have you in my life.

I do want to apologize to you though. Sometimes, in feeling your support, I forget to really talk to you about your feelings, and for that I am sorry.

When I came out as a crossdresser, you were there for me, in all the steps. You supported me fully, even though you were hurting inside. You gave me some clues to your concern, and in my self-centeredness I did not see them. In my assumption of your full support, I did not take enough time to talk to you about your feelings, thoughts and concerns regarding my public transition. I chose a very bad time to do it, full of other stress and hardships in our life. I created an uncomfortable and stressful situation for both you, our family, and your parents who were staying with us at the time. It was not fair of me to create an uneasy household overall. I was very selfish and inconsiderate of you and your family in my transition, and I am sorry for that.

As we have talked, and discussed, and come to understand each other’s feelings regarding this part of me, I know that you are there for me 100%. I feel the love and support, and I’m sorry I didn’t give you what you deserved before I came out publicly to all our friends, family and acquaintances. If I could do it differently now, I would. But since I can’t do that, I can only tell you how sorry I am for not considering your feelings.

One thing, which I also wanted to say, is how proud I am of you for supporting me through all this. Having your husband turn out to be different than who you thought you knew when you got married isn't easy. It takes a lot of guts and courage to stand beside me in all this. While your own feelings on it are quite positive and accepting, I know that it also means taking on the stigma of being the crossdressers wife, and any judgements which come along with that. You are a wonderful person for all the love and support you give me as a whole person. 

I thank you for your continued understanding, support and love. I feel closer to you now than I ever have in our relationship, and that makes me very happy. I look forward to spending many years with you by my side.

Your Loving Husband,


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