Wow. So this is the new blog huh? Guess it was about time to
get my own place. It’s kinda cozy in here.
So, today marks a new beginning for me, in more ways than
just a new blog. I hadn’t really planned on it, but 2012 is becoming an
incredibly transformative year for me. I’ve been working to take my marriage to
new levels of connection, I’ve been working with my boss to improve my work
performance, I have new toys to inspire me musically, I’ve got a new blog, and
I’m starting to live my life more authentic than I had been. That’s pretty damn
awesome!
Of course, you may be asking what about my life was not
authentic?
Well, as you may or may not know, I’m transgendered.
Specifically, I fall into the category of being a crossdresser, or perhaps just
a gender-bender (insert futurama joke here). But, I’m not trying to put myself
into a specific box. All that really matters is that I’m a guy, and I like to
wear clothing intended for women.
This sets me in a bit of a strange land, mostly for others
to accept. What I am doesn’t fall into any box, complete with expectations of gender
and sex, which makes people nervous. Many people immediately assume it must
mean I’m gay, (which it doesn’t). Many people also assume it means I want to be
a woman, (which I don’t, aside from wearing the underwear, which as we discussed is strictly a comfort thing). I come from a place of fashion equality, where nothing
is labeled as being for a man or a woman, and it’s all just clothes. Jesus wore
a dress, I don’t see why I shouldn’t be allowed to.
Thankfully though, everything has been fairly easy for me so
far. I recently talked to my boss, to let her know that I plan to be wearing
women’s clothes as part of my normal wardrobe, and she was very supportive. I
liked that she basically treated me as though nothing was any different, but
still understood there will be challenges to face.
Next, I went around to my closer co-workers, and talked to
them one-on-one about the changes which would be happening. For the most part,
all were very supportive and happy I could bring something so personal to them.
There were quite a few who already have people in their lives who are
transgendered or transsexual, so it made it pretty easy. Even my closer guy
friends here didn’t seem fazed by it at all. One girl (who I am very close
with) asked the typical questions, like if I’m gay, still going to be married,
and similar things.
Now, I just finished the process of meeting with everyone on
my floor (50-60 in total), and explaining to them the changes. These have been
the most nerve racking for me, as I don’t do well with public speaking. I don’t
care about people knowing what I plan to do, but for some reason having to talk
in front of a group is what gets me.
These meetings have been somewhat interesting. I’m glad the
most conservative members of our group were in on the first meeting. My
announcement definitely fell to dead ears there, and I’m not sure if they are
just shocked, scared, uncomfortable, or something else altogether. Oh well,
they are the group who I didn’t like much anyways, so if they never talk to me
again, I’ll probably be happier for it.
But after that, the meetings improved quite a bit. My second
meeting was very good, and was received much more positively, rather than
indifferently. I even had the men telling me that I must have some HUGE balls
to do something like this, and got lots of support from them. The women were
equally (if not more) supportive of this. Some came over and just asked a few
questions (which means a lot to me), others offered to teach me how to put on makeup
and give me their shoes which didn’t fit (but they bought anyways). It’s been
pretty amazing overall, and I am really glad to be living in such a time that I
can share this with my co-workers, and get such a good response.
While there are the few people who seemed to close off in
the meeting, overall it has been positive. I can tell it will bring me closer
to some of my co-workers. I’ve already had some people come to tell me stories
related to their own experiences with crossdressers, transsexuals and such. It’s
nice to know that just by sharing a little of my personal self, that others
utilize that to bond with me. Having only a 2% social aspect to my personality,
it’s somewhat odd for me, but it’s also very nice.
What has been really strange for me, is how much I’m
noticing my spirits lift because of this transition. I don’t know that it’s necessarily
just the freedom to express myself, but also a huge leap forward in my maturity
and growth. It’s always been hard for me to speak my voice around others, and
take what I want from situations, without guilting myself into putting everyone
else’s wishes first. This is one of the first times I’ve truly grown a vagina
and said “This is what I want, and it’s gonna happen!” and then follow through
completely with it. I had no idea this was dragging me down so much, and only
now that I am seeing what a change this is causing, do I see the effect it had.
I’m so very happy right now, and filled with such good
feelings. My amazingly wonderful wife has been sooooooo supportive of this
whole change, and I am so grateful for everything she’s done, and all the times
she’s been there for me. Without her, I never would have started this process,
and I’d still be in a less happy spot for it. Thank you Rhianna, you’re the
best wife anyone could want!
